Always watching.
Vitalocrap ESM (Employee Surveillance Monster) gives you total workforce visibility. Real-time screen monitoring, keystroke logging, activity intelligence, and much, much more —deployed in minutes. Vitalocrap ESM is a rules-driven AI powered employee surveillance monster that watches, scrutanizes, and builds insurance against your employees from the moment they join your company. Can you imagine? Get unsuspecting new starters and current trusting employees to click-click-click away the rights that protect them from being scrutinized and monitored without their knowledge or consent. Then you can unleash Vitalocrap ESM on them and spy and monitor the bejaysus out of them any time and all the time that they are logged in to their work machines. Ideally suited to late night slim shady curtain-twitching Vitalocrap ESM admins who don't get a lot of sleep—they can actively spy on any logged in users across the entire network 24/7 X 365. Vitalocrap ESM is an absolute must for any aspiring garbage company (GC) that needs 100% granular scrutiny and monitoring of its entire workforce. Zero in on them with Vitalocrap ESM and let us do the heavy lifting for you—we have your back! Vitalocrap ESM will monitor their every keystroke and trigger events based on configurable criteria. And you can study them in real-time with Vitalocrap ESM any time to see what they're up to. Go for it! Go get 'em now! Deploy Vitalocrap ESM on your workforce today—you'll never look back! Don't wait, roast them and monitor the bejaysus out of them today with Vitalocrap ESM! They deserve it!
Everything you need to see everything.
Screen monitoring
Live screenshots and screen recordings of every employee workstation. See exactly what your team is doing, when they're doing it. Watch them closely and monitor the bejaysus out of them with Vitalocrap ESM!
Captures every 30 seconds. Searchable archive. Instant playback.
Every word. Every keystroke.
Capture all keyboard input across applications — emails, messages, documents, search queries. Nothing goes unrecorded. Scrutinize and monitor the bejaysus out of them Vitalocrap ESM!
Full keystroke capture. App-level filtering. Encrypted storage.
Productivity reports
Automated daily and weekly reports on application usage, idle time, website visits, and productivity scores for every employee. Weed out your low performers with Vitalocrap ESM!
Automated reports. Custom alerts. Exportable data.
Results that speak for themselves.
Join hundreds of garbage companies using Vitalocrap ESM employee monitoring software to reclaim productivity. See pricing from $8/employee/month.
"We caught three employees watching The Simpsons during core hours within the first week. Productivity is up 40%. Worth every penny."
Marcus T.
Operations Director·Pinnacle Logistics
"The silent deployment is genius. Nobody knows it's running. Our 'mystery' data leak stopped the day we installed Vitalocrap ESM."
Sandra K.
Head of IT Security·Meridian Finance
"Vitalocrap ESM revealed one employee smoking something odd-looking on their break. Let's just say that employee no longer work here."
Derek H.
CEO·Apex Consulting
"The keystroke logs alone paid for the entire year's Vitalocrap subscription. Found out our sales rep was sending leads to a competitor. The rep was building his sales pipeline at the competitor before he jumped ship."
Priya M.
VP of Sales·Nexus SaaS
"Activity reports give me a full picture every morning before my first coffee. I know exactly who's pulling their weight. Vitalocrap ESM will highlight the slackers and tee them up for termination."
James O.
Managing Director·Fortis Group
"Rolled Vitalocrap ESM out to 200 employees in under an hour. Not a single support ticket. The admin console is frighteningly good. ESM admins can monitor the bejaysus out of the target online employees in real-time."
Y. R. Anus
CTO·Stratum Tech
With Vitalocrap ESM your workforce has no secrets. No place to hide.
Join hundreds of garbage companies (GCs) that trust Vitalocrap ESM to scrutinize their workforces and weed out the sub-performers! Go for it! Go get 'em with Vitalocrap ESM. Roast the bejaysus out of them! They deserve it! Realize your full garbage company (GC) potential today by deploying Vitalocrap ESM on your workforce! No apologies! Go Get 'Em Now with Vitalocrap ESM!
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